We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
