so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
