Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
