so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
