gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
