did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
