he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
