I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sext me about skeletons
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
