I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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