before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
