I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
