hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
