My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
