I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Watching her eat just hurts me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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