What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
