one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
