That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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