It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
