Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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