what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
