May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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