chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
