Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
