This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
