I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
