whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
