I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
