So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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