Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
