when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
