i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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