do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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