Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
