I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
