I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
