I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
