I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
