The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
