I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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