so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
