Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
