smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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