and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
