Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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