i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize