I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still have a little drunk in my system
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
