Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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