i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
