I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I checked into jail on foursquare
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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