You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
