I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
