i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my being single is dangerous.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
