Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
