I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
