Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
