guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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