Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
