I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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