I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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