If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
