My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
