i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
