3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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