so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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