so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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