make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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