I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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