Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
