I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
