I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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