Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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