what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
