listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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