I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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