I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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