someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
