Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
