How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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