Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
