Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
