I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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