Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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