hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
