YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
