I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
