The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
