I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God, I missed his penis.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
