I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
