My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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