I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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