On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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