He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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