If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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