id be glad to
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
