is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
