guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
