all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
