he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
