Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
